I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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