Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
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Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
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I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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