I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
