the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
