Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
