His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
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Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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