Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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