is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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