I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
