This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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