so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
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I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
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My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize