Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
