we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
bring money and cleavage
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
