i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
