i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
