I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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