i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
either way he was missing a nipple.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
