Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
