Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
When did angry sex become our thing?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
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