Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
