got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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