plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
