So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Your cock deserves a montage
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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