Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
