I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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