Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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