I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
