Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
