i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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