Can i not drive my cunt home
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
where am i from again
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
