the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
