i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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