i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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