Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
