Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
