you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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