get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
