Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
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I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
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The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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