i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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