Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
