I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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