is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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