we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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