Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
