sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I need water and some morals
Randomize
