My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
