I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
