so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
