You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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