i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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