I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
