At least make sure they are 18
Why
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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