dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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