I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
