I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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