wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
