My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
