no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
