I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
