Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
