Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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