i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
