look no pants
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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