Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the day after is always just damage control
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
