Ambien. No doubt about it.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
