No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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