it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
