Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
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