Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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