Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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