You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
