Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
honey bunches of taint.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
