watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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