the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize