haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I got inside last night via doggy door
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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