I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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