What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
