I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
