Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
